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There are two kinds of people in this world: those who knew what they were giving up for Lent around July of last year and those who are cobbling together a plan as we speak, because we just glanced at the calendar and realized it was Ash Wednesday in two days.
February always sludges past in some kind of strange, slushy space-time continuum way, and to know that March is right around the corner gives me a little spring in my stepāpun very much intended. But I also look forward to Lent every year in some kind of strange, morbid way. It just feels good, in my bones, to give something up. I think it appeals to the part of our human nature that knows just how unChristlike we are, but wants to reach towards Heaven.
Allow me to confess one of my biggest pet peeves: when people give something up for Lent in a way that will benefit them. I hate to throw the sweet girls I worked with as a FOCUS missionary under the bus, but if I had to have one more conversation about āgiving up sugar because you want to look great in Cabo during spring break isnāt EXACTLY the penitential spirit weāre going forā, I was going to scream. So often, we choose to fast from things that, well, we wanted to fast from anyway. I really want the latest iPhone, so Iām going to give up shopping. I really want to lose the last of my baby weight, so Iām going to give up alcohol. I really want to see how I feel without gluten, so Iām going to give up bread. But look! Now we can do it for Jesus!
But the point of Lent is to align ourselves with Christās suffering, not to better our lives with self-improvement and cleansing. Weāre not going for Gwyneth, here. More like sainthood.
Matt Charbonneau writes, āAs Jesus fasted in the desert for forty days, we, too, are called to forgo something for the same period when observing Lent. It is during this time we can deepen our awareness of his sacrifice on the Cross, as well as Jesusā daily forgiveness of our sins and unconditional love for us.Ā It should be noted, however, this personal sacrifice should be difficult but healthy, while respecting responsibilities.Ā For instance, giving up coffee for Lent takes little to no effort if one rarely or never drinks it. Along the same lines, going without something you enjoy regularlyālike Netflix, if you watch it oftenāmay seem like an impossible task, but is a small price to pay for a step closer to eternal salvation. A student electing not to do any homework for the Lenten weeks ignores his or her academic obligations and can suffer harmful ramifications. The decision not to use any illicit drugs only during Lent, and then resume the practice afterwards, contradicts our moral duty to obey civil laws and not participate in criminal activities.ā
So if you havenāt yet brainstormed a Lenten plan, never fear. Here are forty practices that might be a good decision for a Catholic Feminist. Some are prayer, some are fasting, some are almsgivingāweāre directed to do some sort of combo of all three. Notice I said might! Might, as in, might not be right for you. Some of these may feel more self-care-esque to you; some of these may feel like a great Lenten practice to you. Some arenāt right for you in this season; some might be just what you needed. Itās so individual to your temperament + life circumstances. These are just to get the wheels rolling in your head. Ask the Lord what he desires from you these forty days, and then remember the point of it all.
Not to be the most creative, the most intense, the most penitential.
But to unite with Jesus.
Dive into the writings of a great female Catholic, like Thea Bowman.
Stretch for five minutes every morning before you open your phone.
Give up scrolling your phone when your kids are in the room.
Give up counting calories.
Donate to your local pregnancy center.
Pray outside an abortion clinic.
Say a daily rosary for women in Afghanistan, China, and other oppressed areas.
Read Bitter + Sweet by Tsh Oxenreider.
Give up looking in the mirror.
Give up podcasts.
Say a daily chaplet of divine mercy for post abortive women.
Donate for ethical research to end women-exclusive diseases, like PCOS.
Give up gossiping (I have a friend who defines this as not saying anything she wouldnāt say if the person sheās speaking about was in the room.)
Give up makeup.
Get 8 hours of sleep a night.
Volunteer at your local Catholic Worker house.
Read the writings of Dorothy Day.
Give up social media.
Give up hate-following certain people on social media.
Give up alcohol.
Get outside every day.
Read the writings of a female saint youāve always rolled your eyes at.
Donate 40 things to your local domestic violence shelter.
Read a poem every day.
Give another woman a sincere compliment about something other than her physical appearance every day.
Create a gratitude journal and thank God for three things every evening.
Donate to a woman-led ministry you think is especially needed in the church, like Eden Invitation.
Give up music except praise and worship or spiritual hymns.
Read about the fierce women of the Old Testament, like Deborah or Esther.
Write a weekly handwritten letter to a woman in your life whoās impacted you and mail it to her.
Say a daily rosary for women suffering from infertility.
Invite a single woman friend over for dinner each week.
Say a nightly prayer for the woman in your life whoās the most difficult to love.
Go to daily Mass once a week.
Every time you complain about the hard work of motherhood, follow it up by a prayer of gratitude.
Read 33 Days to Merciful Love.
Every time you see a mom in public with her rowdy kids, thank her for being a mom and tell her sheās doing great.
Donate 40 books to your public library or local jail.
Pray nightly for the conversion of pro-choice politicians.
Don't buy anything that may have been made by enslaved people (this requires some light research).
People are so divided on sharing what theyāre giving up for Lentāsome people think it makes them seem like theyāre yelling about their sacrifice in the public square and some people think itās helpful. I don't know! The juryās out. But if you feel so inclined, Iām always interested in what practices people are embracing for Lent; feel free to share them in the comments.Ā Ā Ā
On My NightstandĀ
Here are some things Iāve been reading lately that have made me think!
The Secrets She KeepsĀ by Deb Caletti: Iām a Caletti superfan; Iāve read this novel about a divorce ranch in the 50ās maaaaaybe 5-6 times? But it gets better with each turn of the page. Beautiful commentary on marriage, generational trauma, and the strength of women.
The Anxiety of Influencers:Ā I try very, very hard not to make generalized, sweeping statements about parentingā¦but I canāt read this article and walk away with anything but DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS GET A TIKTOK. āThink of the most common forms of influencer content: There are makeup tutorials and exercise regimens and tips for heterodox diets. There are bathroom selfies and self-portraits in bed and endless I just woke upconfessions. In a way, the essential premise of the collab-house business model is not far from that of pornographic entertainment. (Where else do talent and crew and cadres of management congregate in furnished mansions to produce intimate content?) Interestingly, but maybe not surprisingly, many TikTok influencers, including some here at the Clubhouse, have made the crossover from social media to pornography, using apps such as OnlyFans to post nude pics for their legions of subscribers.ā
Room Service: Another one of my favorite writers, Ashlee Gadd, wrote this beautiful tribute to her husbandās heart of service while she suffered a miscarriage.
When the Man Meets the Moment: An incredible tribute to the president of Ukraine, whoās demonstrating a leadership the world hasnāt seen in a while.
A reminder: You can subscribe for theĀ fullĀ experience of Letters From a Catholic Feminist any time - Iād be honored to show up in your inbox.Ā I send a twice-monthly email with content like everything above, plus thereās a whole archive already waiting for ya!
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In case you missed these Letters:
Faith in the Face of Health DiscriminationĀ - for subscribers
What the Pro-Life Movement NeedsĀ - for everyone
Answering Questions About Purity Culture + PronounsĀ - for subscribers
Hi Claire, I want to be a Catholic convert but my husband is really opposed, so Iām doing what I can to learn on my own without going to RCIA (I prayed about it, believe me, and felt God telling me to be patient). If being a cradle Protestant was a thing, thatās me š¤£ Iāve been praying the rosary every day since August 4th, thanks to the Hallow app. And have found saints to pray to, especially St Monica, and have seen results of prayer to others in things being resolved in my family. All this to say, while being Christian is very much a part of my life, a Catholic observation of Lent is new to me but something I want. Iām struggling with what to give up that isnāt, like you said, a thinly disguised better habit I should have.
That being said, Iāve seen a couple of places now about adding something, especially sleep, which I donāt regularly get enough of, so wanted to discuss how adding something (rather than giving something up) is a means to grow closer to Christ. Can you help?
Hi Claire! I am so curious about #22: who is the Saint that you rolled your eyes at (if that's a personal anecdote?) I'm ashamed to say that I used to feel that way about sweet St. Therese. I don't know if it was because she seemed to be everyone's favorite or because of her constant cheerfulness (as opposed to my then punk-rock angstiness), but I had just that reaction: the rolling of eyes. It was actually Fr. James Martin's* book "My Life With the Saints" that really opened me up to her. (This book was actually my first introduction to Fr. James Martin, before I knew anything else about him. My feelings on him have changed, but I still love his book on the saints.)