Getting people back to the pews

Why are so many Catholics abandoning the Church, and how can we bring them back?

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Why are people leaving the church? 

This is a question that I get asked not infrequently. I think people (ok…a lot of old people! There! I said it!) view me as a sunshin-y young millennial, who attends Mass with her family, hangs up icons in her living room, and prays before meals in public. This is a rarity. How can we get more people to be like this? How can we refill the pews? 

First of all, let me be clear: “how can we get more people to be like Claire” is not something many people are ACTUALLY thinking—ha. But I get the gist. Where are the young people? 

While you could take a cynical, pessimistic view—that people are only interested in getting people back into church because of capital campaigns or numbers—I disagree. I know enough Catholics to know that 99% of people who are concerned about falling church numbers are concerned about souls. And falling those numbers are. No matter how you slice it, more and more Catholics are losing the faith. They’re choosing to just stay home, or they’re choosing to go to megachurches where they can bring lattes. They’re choosing to be “spiritual instead of religious”. They’re choosing, in other words, a Catholicism that fits their life instead of creating a life that fits their Catholicism. The desire to get more young people to prioritize their faith isn’t usually about numbers or goals. To be a Christian is to be concerned about souls. To know of Hell is to not wish it upon anyone. And I completely understand why people are worried about their children and future generations.

Every decision like faith is a two-way street. On the one hand, other people’s salvation does not rest on your shoulders. This was a hard lesson for me to learn during my days as a FOCUS missionary, and if you struggle with scrupulosity and understanding your own culpability, I know these conversations can be hard. You can do all the “right” things, and still, people can say no. Free will was a gift from God and it can be wielded to praise him or to disown him. 

But there are things that I believe we as a church can do that we’re…not doing. And that’s what I want to chat about today. Much ink has been spilled over millennials and Gen Z. Many guesses have been made over strategies that could pull them back into the fold. We’ve tried everything from switching up the music to focusing on branding to hosting great speakers. That’s all well and good (truly, I love a good logo!) But none of those conversations have, in my eyes, quite hit the nail on the head. 

First and foremost, I believe Catholics today have effectively lost the true understanding of prayer. This is pretty visible anytime there’s some sort of national tragedy, and “prayers” are offered. There instantly is a strong river of people reminding us, loudly, that WE NEED ACTION, NOT PRAYER. Prayer is action. Prayer is asking the creator of the universe to change our hearts, thereby changing the world. Prayer has literally split open seas and made men who frequented prostitutes into saints (hell-oh, St. Augustine). If you don’t believe in the power of prayer, that’s step one. The first thing anyone claiming to be a believer in Jesus needs to do is develop a personal prayer life. Think about it: how often have you complained about empty pews or rolled your eyes at suggestions to get Gen Z involved in the parish? Now, how much time have you spent praying for them? Attempting to undertake any extreme action without prayer is taking the first step on a journey that’s doomed to fail. We have to come to a place where we admit we don’t have all the answers, and that we need the grace of God to help people come to know him. Evangelization is a team sport, and Jesus is the coach. 

Secondly, I think we need to take a hard look at how our culture is moving, and how we can take part in transforming that culture. Younger millennials and Gen Z have been told, basically since the womb, that “we’re the ones we’ve been waiting for”. Um…no. We are not. They are told that loud, negative emotions are the most important ones to have, because those are the ones that the algorithms prioritize. They are told that their feelings are more important than subjective truth. They are told that offensive speech is violence. They are told that to love someone is to accept them exactly as they are, and to not just have compassion and empathy but to endorse every action they choose to take. They are told that being “nice” will get them to Heaven. And lest you think I’m blaming them…note that I’m saying they are TOLD. Who’s telling them? Us! Their parents! The ones who allow them to go on social media 80 billion hours a week, don’t engage them in hard conversations, and let them skip Mass because they have a soccer game that day. What did we think was going to happen?

I say this with full acknowledgement that parenting is hard. Again, you can follow every playbook and do every step “correctly”, engaging your family in nightly rosaries and introducing St. Thomas Aquinas at age 7. But grace is needed to change hearts. People can have a wonderful, holy, spirit-soaked childhood and still reject the faith. I understand that. I’m not pointing my finger at any one parent and saying he or she is the reason their child fell from the faith, because these are complicated questions that can’t be answered simply. I mean, just look at siblings—you can have members of the same family with very different attitudes about Jesus, even though they’re upbringings were identical! That being said, how and when we introduce our kids to certain aspects of the culture, and the wording we use when doing so, can play a crucial role. 

Thirdly, it’s beyond time we have a reckoning with the way we as a church have failed people. The Church is a perfect institution. The little-c church—us—are a mess. We are making up excuses for inappropriate behavior by priests. We are shrugging away pastors who preach literal heresy. We are worried more about the length of a girl’s skirt at the church’s social event than we are about her soul. We are spending money on weekly doughnuts and forgetting about the poor. In so many ways, we aren’t living up to the high, high bar set by Jesus. You may be quick to point out that none of those things changes the facts about the Eucharist, and rightly so. I don’t really think incorporating more or less Gregorian chants is going to have a huge effect on church-going but aesthetics don’t change the truth of the Eucharist. But again…who isn’t providing the proper catechesis to help people understand the Eucharist? Who isn’t prioritizing a proper faith formation? (Um…once again. Us.)  

Churches these days are very often focused on programming. And there’s nothing wrong with a great program! I’ve known people whose hearts were majorly affected by things like LifeTeen or a small volunteering group at their parish. It’s not the programming that’s the problem. But if we prioritize programs without also focusing on how to encourage a personal relationship with Jesus, we as a church aren’t fulfilling our role. Where does adoration play into your programs? What about confession? A monthly kickball and pizza night for the teens is perfectly fine, but are we also teaching them how to pray? Because that’s what they can’t get elsewhere. They can get pizza down the street. Probably better pizza than whatever the parish can afford, TBH. 

Fourthly—and lastly—I’m seeing a trend within the church that is wearing on my soul. And that’s an effort to prioritize numbers over truth. Are we watering down the truth to make it palatable? I think so often about the story in John where Jesus explains the true presence: 

““I am the living bread that came down from heaven. Whoever eats this bread will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world.”

Then the Jews began to argue sharply among themselves,“How can this man give us his flesh to eat?”

Jesus said to them, “Very truly I tell you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day.  For my flesh is real food and my blood is real drink.  Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in them. Just as the living Father sent me and I live because of the Father, so the one who feeds on me will live because of me.  This is the bread that came down from heaven. Your ancestors ate manna and died, but whoever feeds on this bread will live forever.” He said this while teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum.

On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”

Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before!  The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit and life.  Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him.  He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”

From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

 “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.””

People…left. 

They turned back and no longer followed him. 

Jesus could have said, “Wait! I didn’t mean that! Let me rephrase it!” or “Oh…crap. Guess that was too much to share.” 

It was the truth. People chose what to do with it. Some stayed, and some left.

We should constantly be ensuring our truthful words are shared with charity. It’s of the upmost importance that we meet people where they are—no need to have your first conversation with someone be about, like, the integrity of human sexuality or the Church’s view on in vitro fertilization. I get that. But we also can’t be so afraid of people leaving that we hesitate to speak the truth with courage. Jesus told us to love our neighbor. Not Avoid Hurting Your Neighbor’s Feelings, or Care What Your Neighbor Thinks of You, or Make Sure Your Neighbor Thinks Catholics Are Nice. But love your neighbor. Treat your neighbor with dignity. Tell your neighbor the truth, with the upmost kindness and respect for them. See your neighbor as a person, not a project or a number. If we have a smaller church filled with true believers, is that more desirable than a large church full of lukewarm praise? I don’t know! Really, I don’t. But it’s something to mull over. 

I have been so angry with our bitter, broken church. I have wanted to throw my laptop at the wall when I’ve seen things our popes have done, from Saint John Paul the Great (who I love dearly) not properly handling sexual assault cases to Pope Francis defending communist regimes to GK Chesterton hating on the feminists. I cannot even express to you my deep, unending frustration when summer training for my missionary program included a page-long requirement for girls’ attire and nothing for the men. I have had to literally stop myself from ranting about Fr. James Martin and say prayers in my head for him, reminding myself that an unrighteous, venting, gossipy anger is gonna get me thrown down into Hell. If I see one more priest insisting that littering is a bigger deal than abortion (yes! I did JUST READ SOMEONE SAY THIS LAST WEEK!) I will stab my eyeballs out. 

But I show up. I show up! Because I have a personal relationship with Jesus. It can’t be broken by bad music, crappy preaching, or jerks in the pews. And once you have that, well--

To whom shall you go?

PS—if you’re interested in learning more about how to transform your parish, I’ve heard great things about Pat Lencioni’s Amazing Parish program. Not an affiliate or a sponsor or an ad…just really have heard it made a huge difference! 

On My Nightstand 

Here are some things I’ve been reading lately that have made me think!

• “Surviving the Crackdown in Xinjiang”: Some important information about what’s happening to women in China.

• The Divines by Ellie Eaton: Ehh…I’d skip this one. It has all the things I love (mystery! Murder! A boarding school for rich people!!!) but I found the writing choppy, the plot contrived, and there literally wasn’t a single character I could root for.

• “A Fair Outcome?”: You know what I’m really, really, really done with? A complete lack of action being taken after sexual abuse allegations. ESPECIALLY within Christ’s one true church.

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Who’ve I Been Listening To?

Here are some movers and shakers online that I enjoy pointing others towards. They are not always Catholic; but I find that learning from people who aren’t Catholic can be incredibly interesting at times as it helps to stretch and challenge my faith in a way that strengthens it. Disclaimer: I do not agree with every single word that comes out of their mouth. In fact, I may disagree with them strongly! Please don’t e-mail me saying so-and-so is pro-choice or so-and-so tweeted the F word in 2015. You have a brain and I fully trust you to use it in a discerning way. These are just some people that have made me think, lately! 

• Ruth Chou Simons is one of my favorite Instagram follows for her uplifting words and true desire to bring people closer to Christ.

• Nate Silver and I may not agree on everything politically, but I’m really seeing how much of a *crisis* our world is in when it comes to not understanding stats and data. He helps break things down in a way that I can understand.

• Emily Thomas is one of the last remaining bloggers who update regularly, and I really, really love her takes on Jesus, business, and family.