Where is the pro-life movement in a post-Roe world?

When we stopped caring about human rights

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In 8th grade I wrote my year-long research paper on abortion. I claimed that abortion should be illegal in all cases with zero exceptions, a pretty bold claim for a 12-year-old who didn’t have her period. I wasn’t a bible-thumping evangelical; I was raised by a conservative and a social-justice-obsessed-teacher in the heart of Hippieville. I did not pray, or read the bible, or think anything of skipping Sunday Mass. I was not the kid in the Jesus Freak documentary, but I still chose abortion as my topic.

To her credit, my teacher—who almost certainly disagreed with me—gave me a well-deserved A and praised my work.

I tell you this to show you my card-carrying Pro-Life Club member card. I’ve been around the block. I’ve been to the galas and the breakfasts and the diaper drives. I’ve spoken at conferences and roundtables. I’ve prayed—oh, the feverish prayers I’ve said. (Full disclosure, I’ve never been to the March for Life. Whoever thought of holding a march in Washington DC during January was on something. I get that it’s the Roe anniversary, but now that that’s settled, couldn’t we move it a bit? May, perhaps?)

The thing we have been prayed for, worked for, and advocated for happened last year: Roe vs. Wade was overturned in the US. So why were so many pro-life people unhappy? And what, exactly, are we still doing here?

The gift of having biologically birthed three children is not something I take for granted. Although my pregnancies are nine months of horror and Zofran, I still consider them highlights of my life. I spent nine months feeling three little lives grow and stretch and tumble. I’ve been kicked and kept up at night by rolling.  

The world appreciates my motherhood. But they appreciate it in a very specific way. They’d like my kids to be well behaved on airplanes. They do not want to help pay for my weekly IVs as I repopulate the human race. My children were my choice, after all, and could I please put a cloth over their head while they eat in public? When they’re old enough to contribute monetarily to society, then we will give a crap beyond whether or not learning about Martin Luther King will turn them into little BLM activists.

This is an exaggeration, of course. I’m a tongue-in-cheek writer; I don’t think people hate kids. But I think we’re inconvenienced by them. And I don’t think we like to be inconvenienced. We can get fuzzy socks and golf balls from Amazon in two days, after all, waving to the delivery man while he goes and pees in a water bottle. When we visited Poland last year, I threw a grade-A hissy fit over not being able to find diapers on every single corner of the beach town we were staying in. I am American: convenience is my culture.

Motherhood is, by and large, inconvenient. The Christmas tree photos in matching Grinch jammies are cute, but having to leave work because your kid threw up on their shoes at daycare is not. Figure it out, they say, with a shrug. Well, people are. They’re figuring it out by not having kids, or by eliminating the kids they do have by having a vacuum shoved up their vagina.

When Roe vs. Wade was overturned, I was Very Online. Partly because it’s my job and partly because contrary to what many pro-choice people would have you believe, I do actually give a shit. And here is what I saw: Pro-life group after pro-life group shouting that the work wasn’t done. Advertising diaper drives. Raising money for adoptions. Creating maps of holistic women’s health centers. Advocating for greater funding for women’s diseases. Finding out where on their local college campuses student-mothers are able to breastfeed. And a bunch of pro-choice people claiming that this was done by a bunch of white men (please, look at the Supreme Court when Roe was enacted vs. now, and please go to literally any pro-life event ever), and that this will surely lead to women dying in the streets.

Well, the women are not dying. They’re buying bus tickets to New York. Except for the ones in the womb who are, actually, dying. Abortion is enshrined in state law for 21 states. That company you just got free 2-day shipping from is happy to pay to send their female employees off to eliminate the problem.

This is where progressive pro-life activists will claim that Amazon does this because it’s cheaper than maternity leave. Amazon actually has terrific maternity leave. What they don’t have is a view of the human person based in dignity and truth. There’s nothing Amazon loves the way they love convenience.

But, hey. Sometimes you just need that gardening tool in two days.

It did not surprise me to see people enraged about the end of Roe vs. Wade.

People who don’t claim to be for any greater purpose than their own financial gain, people whose life goal is some nebulous “betterment” of society or whispers from the universe, people who claim to fight for the human good but have no interest in thinking about what that good is for longer than it takes to order a latte—they can not surprise me. My expectations are on the floor. Those raised in a culture where the greatest achievements are money and recognition will seek, well, money and recognition.

Catholics can surprise me. The Catholics claiming that Jesus rose from the dead and also, that we can kill people because they are poor or disabled. The same Catholics who tend to be the loudest about other important issues of justice tend to either say nothing about abortion (which, fine—maybe you’re not on that committee, we all can’t say everything about every issue) or—and this is what outright bothers me—loudly proclaim that the pro-life movement is a bunch of dumbass white hacks seeking political glory and a paycheck.

No.

The pro-life movement is Gloria Purvis; it’s Leah Jacobson; it’s Destiny and Marcia; it’s Serrin Foster; it’s Amy Murphy; it’s the Sisters of Life. It’s also a lot of people you’ve never heard of, because they’re busy getting dirt under their fingernails doing the work away from cameras. The pro-life movement is a complex group of complex thinkers—some believers, some not, some white, some not, some rich, some not. It’s the nun quietly praying at Mass and the woman next door donating her garage sale proceeds to the women’s health center. It’s the mentor at your local public school and the nurse patiently explaining to your 13-year-old what her period is. It’s the guy whose girlfriend had an abortion when he was a teenager and the mom of three autistic kids who just wants other disabled children to be allowed to be born. It’s doctors and preachers and statisticians and journalists and violinists and substack writers. It is so far from the stereotypes on TV.

I understand that it’s very politically uncomfortable to stand apart from the justice-centered crowd with which you run, and I understand that you don’t trust any cause that takes pleasure in aligning itself with Donald Trump on a regular basis. But this is thousands of human lives we’re talking about. Nobody’s asking you to go clubbing with Matt Walsh. We’re just asking you to, you know, not be okay with the mass murder of humans.

But this, too, is inconvenient. It’s inconvenient to piss of progressive Christians; it’s inconvenient to work in a secular area while having such a counter-cultural belief; it’s inconvenient to lose clicks + followers + book contracts. It’s inconvenient to go against the mass media + your own mom. Like so many other ways of functioning as a Christian, it’s inconvenient and hard we wouldn’t do any of it if it wasn’t for Jesus.

“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.” - Matthew 18:10

So, what does the pro life movement still need?

• More pro-life health practitioners. Ask anyone in medical school: you are pushed hard, and often, into pro-choice messaging. We need more OBGYNs like those in AAPLOG and more nurses fighting for the sanctity of the human life from womb to tomb. Doctors need to be better prepared to discuss holistic women’s health, not simply abortion.

• More science-based language. As science continues to develop and progress, babies are able to be kept alive earlier and earlier in gestation. We also need to come up with new terms for a miscarriage which, yes, on billing is a spontaneous abortion (but obviously not the same thing). Ditto ectopic pregnancy removal.

• More compassion for women facing unexpected pregnancies. In the Year of Our Lord 2023, let’s put to rest the should-have-kept-her-legs-closed lingo that roams around dark alleys of the pro-life movement like a rat. Call it out when you hear it, with grace and conviction. And while it’s foolish to act as if there aren’t times deliberate choices lead to the consequence of poverty, it’s also lacking wisdom to claim that all poor people just need to, like, learn to code, man. The systems and patterns in this country—unaddressed inner city violence, a lack of affordable housing, a healthcare system that puts people in debt for the rest of their lives for having the audacity to need a doctor—keep poor people poor. We have got to start giving a crap about that within the pro-life movement. A pack of diapers, while immensely helpful to a brand new mom, isn’t going to sustain her in any meaningful way.

• More consistent messaging. When pro-life movements align with politicians whose hateful words and antics spew out a message completely opposite of the Gospel, it’s hard to take them seriously. Jesus didn’t care about pissing off politicians + neither should we. I’m not saying that we need a complete social safety net and free healthcare for all and a 96% tax rate or whatever—I don’t make policy. But I am saying words matter. Human-centered language is important. I’ve sat in rooms of very, very rich people where everyone was just crapping on poor single mothers and thanked the Good Lord HimSELF none of my social-justice-minded friends were hearing it. I should have been bolder and said something. Have mercy on me, a sinner.

• More of a culture of life in the workplace. You can’t be pro-life at a rally and then turn around and refuse to implement policies that support parents in your workplace. Following the laws surrounding pumping for breastfeeding mothers and avoiding pregnancy discrimination? That’s the bare minimum. A truly pro-life workplace culture features generous parental leave, family-focused pay structures, and a willingness to be flexible when the above-mentioned kid barfs at daycare. I’ve talked to enough full-time-working-mom friends: it is rough out there for your average 9-5 parent.

It is hard. It is messy. Thank God we have Jesus. Without him, it’d be damn near impossible. Please share in the comments: what else does the pro-life movement in a post-Roe world?

St. Gianna, pray for us!

On My Nightstand 

• Carrie Soto is Back by Taylor Jenkins Reid: I’m not even going to lie: I was snobby about TJR. I know so many people LOVE her books, that for some reason I’d convinced myself I wouldn’t like them? Why am I such a weirdo? Anyway, I finally picked one up and absolutely adored this story of a washed-up tennis player making a come back. Thought-provoking material on ambition, greatness, and destiny.

• Ending the Crisis of Loneliness One Person at a Time: I always enjoy Lore Wilbert’s words, and I found these particularly impactful. “The crisis of loneliness is a real thing and we must pay attention to it, but I’m not convinced the cure is more togetherness or more friendships. I don’t know that our reaction to the crisis of loneliness should be to create more opportunities for connection. I wonder if the cure for loneliness is a greater awareness of the presence of Jesus.”

• Love Your Enemies: On MLK day, I stayed offline and read some of his work. I loved this sermon republished by Plough.

Did you know I’ve written three books for Catholic women?

Learn more:

• Girl, Arise: A Catholic Feminist’s Invitation to Live Boldly, Love Your Faith and Change the World

• In Full Bloom: Finding the Grit and Grace to Thrive Wherever You’re Planted

• FOLLOW: Logging Out and Leaning In (serialized for full newsletter subscribers)

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