Thank you!!!! And although I can not come close to remembering the source, as a psychologist I once read a study that concluded that kids were happiest when mom was doing what she was satisfied doing. In other words, if mom wanted to work (or was otherwise satisfied with working since some definitely don’t have a choice) and was working kids were happiest. If moms didn’t want to work outside the home and were staying home, the kids were happiest. The kids that struggled most seemed to be the ones whose mothers were very unhappy with the working or nonworking situation they were in.
". . . there are entire circles of people, entire groups of friends, entire communities where working mothers are shamed. And there are entire circles of people, entire groups of friends, entire communities where stay-at-home moms are shamed." Yep. As a mom of three under 8 who works part time outside the home I can "pass" in both environments but I don't truly feel I belong in either - I don't have the same amount of schedule flexibility as my SAHM friends, and I often joke that my mom friends who work full time outside the home don't have time for friends ;-) I also believe that we need to seek God's will for our own individual lives and following His call on our hearts is what we'll be held accountable for when we meet Him.
But I do want to share one thing I've learned standing on the edges of both of these circles and that's how much of this conversation is about identity. Most of my mom friends are SAHM from my parish, and most of them have a side hustle. They have Etsy shops, they teach piano in their living rooms, they join MLMs, they are freelance writers/editors/photographers, etc. In other words, they provide a service or sell a product in exchange for money - they work! They work for themselves and they have a lot of flexibility about where, when, and how they work, all of which are great things! But they don't IDENTIFY these activities as "working" or themselves as "working moms", and that realization solved a lot of confusion for me about why I felt so different when I was with them. This is not to say that the way we as Catholic Christian women treat/talk about each other doesn't matter, or how our Church frames this issue is moot because both are not true and they both do real harm to real souls. (I saw a Catholic man on Twitter say something to the effect of, "Do women really get mad at each other about having jobs?" and my immediate thought was, "Buddy, you clearly do not know the half of it.") But this realization helped me think through the difference between the cultural clash that is served to me on my phone screen versus the nitty-gritty of loving my neighbor who is in front of me now.
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. From the bottom of my heart. I have come back to this article countless times over the years and shared it with countless moms. It’s a message we all need to hear and you expressed it in a way I couldn’t. Thank you thank you thank you for your gift of writing and sharing the mountains and valleys of Catholic motherhood!!
Well said. I think the debate often asks the wrong question…we need to ask ourselves if we are giving women the freedom to follow their vocation.
Thank you!!!! And although I can not come close to remembering the source, as a psychologist I once read a study that concluded that kids were happiest when mom was doing what she was satisfied doing. In other words, if mom wanted to work (or was otherwise satisfied with working since some definitely don’t have a choice) and was working kids were happiest. If moms didn’t want to work outside the home and were staying home, the kids were happiest. The kids that struggled most seemed to be the ones whose mothers were very unhappy with the working or nonworking situation they were in.
That makes sense to me!
Oh my gosh never saw this footage- the "Obianuju Ekocha moment"-incredible. Love, love, love her.
A Helen Alvare book study on her new book please?! ❤️
". . . there are entire circles of people, entire groups of friends, entire communities where working mothers are shamed. And there are entire circles of people, entire groups of friends, entire communities where stay-at-home moms are shamed." Yep. As a mom of three under 8 who works part time outside the home I can "pass" in both environments but I don't truly feel I belong in either - I don't have the same amount of schedule flexibility as my SAHM friends, and I often joke that my mom friends who work full time outside the home don't have time for friends ;-) I also believe that we need to seek God's will for our own individual lives and following His call on our hearts is what we'll be held accountable for when we meet Him.
But I do want to share one thing I've learned standing on the edges of both of these circles and that's how much of this conversation is about identity. Most of my mom friends are SAHM from my parish, and most of them have a side hustle. They have Etsy shops, they teach piano in their living rooms, they join MLMs, they are freelance writers/editors/photographers, etc. In other words, they provide a service or sell a product in exchange for money - they work! They work for themselves and they have a lot of flexibility about where, when, and how they work, all of which are great things! But they don't IDENTIFY these activities as "working" or themselves as "working moms", and that realization solved a lot of confusion for me about why I felt so different when I was with them. This is not to say that the way we as Catholic Christian women treat/talk about each other doesn't matter, or how our Church frames this issue is moot because both are not true and they both do real harm to real souls. (I saw a Catholic man on Twitter say something to the effect of, "Do women really get mad at each other about having jobs?" and my immediate thought was, "Buddy, you clearly do not know the half of it.") But this realization helped me think through the difference between the cultural clash that is served to me on my phone screen versus the nitty-gritty of loving my neighbor who is in front of me now.
Moms working--contributing economically to their family--is the historical norm, not a new invention https://rannthisthat.blogspot.com/2008/01/my-take-on-attachment-parenting.html
Ahhh this is exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you for soothing my part-time working mom heart!!
I just wanted to say thank you for writing this. From the bottom of my heart. I have come back to this article countless times over the years and shared it with countless moms. It’s a message we all need to hear and you expressed it in a way I couldn’t. Thank you thank you thank you for your gift of writing and sharing the mountains and valleys of Catholic motherhood!!