This is EXACTLY how I feel in our parish right now. There are people I love and aspects of the parish that I love but also abuse and misogyny in the clergy, a lack of critical thought, fewer and fewer leadership roles for women in parish life. It’s absolutely infuriating and just a cross section of larger issues within our diocese but man if you’re not on one extreme or the other, it’s easy to feel like I’m the crazy one when I’m too conservative for some Catholics and too liberal for others.
I'm in the wilderness with you too. "It’s hard to want to cling to a community that stands against so many of our modern cultural issues, but because you don’t toe the party line in exactly the precise way, you’re ignored and belittled. It’s hard to be up against forced teaming (“if you’re not with us, you’re against us”)" -- nodding so hard at all of that! And UgggHHHhhh, Christian Internet can be so discouraging... I had my own moment last week and now I'm wondering if we were looking at the same thing? (Probably not; there's so much.)
Yup. I’m always humbled when I read “Blessed are the peacemakers” because I don’t WANT to be a peacemaker! Right here with you, friend.
As an aside: any tips for reacting to Mom-shaming? I’m going back to work part-time when my son is six months, and he will likely go to the on-site daycare at my husband’s office for part of the week, but I can’t tell you how many people have said “I would NEVER put my child in daycare,” as if I’m abandoning him in the woods or something 🙄
I feel this so much, and really appreciate you writing these thoughts, it makes me feel less alone! It is really difficult to comprehend why so many people seem to “miss the point” as you said. It’s infuriating to watch progressive feminists miss the point of the dignity of women, and equally infuriating to watch certain Christians worship politicians and follow them in hatred that Jesus clearly spoke against. And then I struggle with, how on earth am I supposed to raise my kids into good, moral adults when it seems like the immortality is ALL around us, all the time??
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. You offer so much insight to me through your writing so I offer two things, not in a band-aid-fix-everything-way, but in a bonus-package-way, in case it’s helpful.
1. The mass readings for the feast of St Joan of Arc. I know you said the other day she’s not your gal, but I was on pilgrimage last year to Rouen, where she was killed, and I learned that pilgrims can celebrate the feast day mass, so we did. I was the lector that day and the reading of being heard by the powerful pierced my heart: Wisdom 8:9-15. It was like I had never read that in the Bible before. The other readings are also powerful here, though I don’t love this translation:
2. St Martin de Porres. I often feel unheard at work and asking for his intercession has helped me to suffer through that much more gracefully, though I constantly struggle with rage, like St Jerome.
Nearly exactly a year ago today, I was beginning to go through a tremendously painful move back into my parents' home thanks to nearly every single employer I had in the town I lived in at the time (which I had been consoled time and time again in prayer that God longed for me to stay forever) economically shattering and never satisfied with my lack of experience and whatever willingness I had to bring to a basic job. In hindsight, I had no idea who I was and what I could offer, let alone confidence in both, and that certainly had to have worsened my odds. But I fought so so hard against moving back no matter how bad it got, even when I could sense God telling me to go, because my childhood community was, also in hindsight, tremendously insecure, secluded and unsupportive of my interests and disability and brought out the worst in me throughout my entire girlhood as I wasted most of my years trying to make myself fit a mold I didn't and making a bigger fool out of myself. I knew I would be vulnerable and not my best, healthiest self there. So giving in to go back for economic security amongst even more dismissal from people who mean well but are hurtful nonetheless is so humiliating and contrary to every good thing I'd ever discovered about God, throwing all of my self-respect away.
Today when I look back at my experience, including my current circumstances, I think of The Holy Family fleeing into Egypt. They did not go because it was God's longing for their own holy transformation and character building. They went because the psychopath ruling over them was so far gone that he was too insecure to tolerate an *infant* of a lowly Bethlehem couple being in his kingdom and all the other babies could go too as long as it meant he was gone. (Like honestly. Imagine telling Mary and Joseph, as they're running for their lives with Baby Jesus, to rejoice at all the blessings God will provide for them).
They had everything they needed to be healthy and safe and supported, for Him as much as themselves, and their lives were stolen from them and ruined, just as mine was.
But the funny thing is that now, I can't see myself going back there. I see so many of my friends and people elsewhere who feel just as lost as me coming up to that same community-or region/state-as they give up on the economic and political implosions happening throughout our nation and try to start life over someplace else. And for many of them, I will be the only one who actually knows what they are in for and how to protect themselves.
I've given up hope that the people here who helped raise me will understand and affirm my trauma, and I've also given up hope that God is going to bring me back to the life I truly loved and truly benefited and was fulfilled from. But I am least in a place to inform and aid other people suffering the nightmares I am. I no longer find consolation in The Resurrection, but in making sure nobody is alone when everything good dies around them. That doesn't mean a miracle can't happen. But that does mean that things have to change.
I hope you are your family can find a place to embrace this Easter in all of its happiness, even if I can't myself.
He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. (Is 53.3-4)
I live this. Every. Single. Day. In an urban community where one side is clearly dominant, I'm the "radical." I've had to enlighten people (trades union members assigned to man the polling places to educate the public about who they should vote for) with the law who had been blocking my way into my polling place when they tried to flip the State Representative seat. The flip was successful and quality of life in my district has significantly declined since then. HOWEVER, I show up and enjoy my right to vote at the polls. I speak up when I know the truth. I am careful to listen and pray and love because the world needs more of these.
Thanks for taking on the hard things and giving us language to wrestle with our feelings. It's very cathartic.
This is EXACTLY how I feel in our parish right now. There are people I love and aspects of the parish that I love but also abuse and misogyny in the clergy, a lack of critical thought, fewer and fewer leadership roles for women in parish life. It’s absolutely infuriating and just a cross section of larger issues within our diocese but man if you’re not on one extreme or the other, it’s easy to feel like I’m the crazy one when I’m too conservative for some Catholics and too liberal for others.
Loved reading this this morning, Claire.
I'm in the wilderness with you too. "It’s hard to want to cling to a community that stands against so many of our modern cultural issues, but because you don’t toe the party line in exactly the precise way, you’re ignored and belittled. It’s hard to be up against forced teaming (“if you’re not with us, you’re against us”)" -- nodding so hard at all of that! And UgggHHHhhh, Christian Internet can be so discouraging... I had my own moment last week and now I'm wondering if we were looking at the same thing? (Probably not; there's so much.)
Yup. I’m always humbled when I read “Blessed are the peacemakers” because I don’t WANT to be a peacemaker! Right here with you, friend.
As an aside: any tips for reacting to Mom-shaming? I’m going back to work part-time when my son is six months, and he will likely go to the on-site daycare at my husband’s office for part of the week, but I can’t tell you how many people have said “I would NEVER put my child in daycare,” as if I’m abandoning him in the woods or something 🙄
I feel this so much, and really appreciate you writing these thoughts, it makes me feel less alone! It is really difficult to comprehend why so many people seem to “miss the point” as you said. It’s infuriating to watch progressive feminists miss the point of the dignity of women, and equally infuriating to watch certain Christians worship politicians and follow them in hatred that Jesus clearly spoke against. And then I struggle with, how on earth am I supposed to raise my kids into good, moral adults when it seems like the immortality is ALL around us, all the time??
This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing. You offer so much insight to me through your writing so I offer two things, not in a band-aid-fix-everything-way, but in a bonus-package-way, in case it’s helpful.
1. The mass readings for the feast of St Joan of Arc. I know you said the other day she’s not your gal, but I was on pilgrimage last year to Rouen, where she was killed, and I learned that pilgrims can celebrate the feast day mass, so we did. I was the lector that day and the reading of being heard by the powerful pierced my heart: Wisdom 8:9-15. It was like I had never read that in the Bible before. The other readings are also powerful here, though I don’t love this translation:
http://www.stjoan-center.com/topics/mass.html
2. St Martin de Porres. I often feel unheard at work and asking for his intercession has helped me to suffer through that much more gracefully, though I constantly struggle with rage, like St Jerome.
This was so refreshing, Claire. Thank you.
Nearly exactly a year ago today, I was beginning to go through a tremendously painful move back into my parents' home thanks to nearly every single employer I had in the town I lived in at the time (which I had been consoled time and time again in prayer that God longed for me to stay forever) economically shattering and never satisfied with my lack of experience and whatever willingness I had to bring to a basic job. In hindsight, I had no idea who I was and what I could offer, let alone confidence in both, and that certainly had to have worsened my odds. But I fought so so hard against moving back no matter how bad it got, even when I could sense God telling me to go, because my childhood community was, also in hindsight, tremendously insecure, secluded and unsupportive of my interests and disability and brought out the worst in me throughout my entire girlhood as I wasted most of my years trying to make myself fit a mold I didn't and making a bigger fool out of myself. I knew I would be vulnerable and not my best, healthiest self there. So giving in to go back for economic security amongst even more dismissal from people who mean well but are hurtful nonetheless is so humiliating and contrary to every good thing I'd ever discovered about God, throwing all of my self-respect away.
Today when I look back at my experience, including my current circumstances, I think of The Holy Family fleeing into Egypt. They did not go because it was God's longing for their own holy transformation and character building. They went because the psychopath ruling over them was so far gone that he was too insecure to tolerate an *infant* of a lowly Bethlehem couple being in his kingdom and all the other babies could go too as long as it meant he was gone. (Like honestly. Imagine telling Mary and Joseph, as they're running for their lives with Baby Jesus, to rejoice at all the blessings God will provide for them).
They had everything they needed to be healthy and safe and supported, for Him as much as themselves, and their lives were stolen from them and ruined, just as mine was.
But the funny thing is that now, I can't see myself going back there. I see so many of my friends and people elsewhere who feel just as lost as me coming up to that same community-or region/state-as they give up on the economic and political implosions happening throughout our nation and try to start life over someplace else. And for many of them, I will be the only one who actually knows what they are in for and how to protect themselves.
I've given up hope that the people here who helped raise me will understand and affirm my trauma, and I've also given up hope that God is going to bring me back to the life I truly loved and truly benefited and was fulfilled from. But I am least in a place to inform and aid other people suffering the nightmares I am. I no longer find consolation in The Resurrection, but in making sure nobody is alone when everything good dies around them. That doesn't mean a miracle can't happen. But that does mean that things have to change.
I hope you are your family can find a place to embrace this Easter in all of its happiness, even if I can't myself.
He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. (Is 53.3-4)
Wishing you love and courage on the battlefield ❤️
I live this. Every. Single. Day. In an urban community where one side is clearly dominant, I'm the "radical." I've had to enlighten people (trades union members assigned to man the polling places to educate the public about who they should vote for) with the law who had been blocking my way into my polling place when they tried to flip the State Representative seat. The flip was successful and quality of life in my district has significantly declined since then. HOWEVER, I show up and enjoy my right to vote at the polls. I speak up when I know the truth. I am careful to listen and pray and love because the world needs more of these.
Thanks for taking on the hard things and giving us language to wrestle with our feelings. It's very cathartic.