Is the gender pay gap real?

...yes and no.

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I’ll never forget when a US congressman looked me in the eyes and said that in his opinion, wives should always stay home and take care of their kids instead of having a career. (Important context: I was an intern at a national newspaper…working.) 

I must have looked pretty annoyed or embarrassed or a combo thereof, because his next response was to snort, roll his eyes, and say “you college kids are so sensitive.” 

I mean…I was probably sensitive. Why do I care what some random dude thinks about women working? 

And in some sense, on a personal level, I don’t. I don’t give a crap if a man I have little to no interaction with thinks I’m making the wrong decision by working. I’m not married to him. But I do give a crap if he’s making policies that impact working women or negatively influences women in his workplace.

I read an article recently about a supposedly Christian workplace that made me want to punch a wall. It describes a woman being fired for being pregnant out of wedlock, while not firing a man who repeatedly and admittedly cheated on his wife. I completely understand a Christian business owner wanting to have a business that’s righteous and Christ-oriented, where the employees follow the teachings of Jesus. But that glaring lack of consistency, as well as having the audacity to fire a pregnant woman, are so out of step with our Lord that, as the kids say, I can’t even. 

It got me thinking about the way women are treated in the workplace, and how many women I know who have…stories. Stories of being told they should pump in their car. Stories of being called “sweetie” by their boss in a meeting. Stories of being laughed at when they showed up to a job site. 

We’ve talked about sexism in the workplace plenty of times on the Catholic feminist Podcast, and I’d break it down to two factors. 

The first is more of a cultural factor: a lack of space for breastfeeding, rude or demeaning comments, etc. I’d go so far as to say many of those cultural practices come from a stigma or lack of awareness more than anything else. That doesn’t mean they don’t need to be overcome. But I don’t think male bosses, in general, are thinking its unimportant that babies get fed. They just may not have thought through how gross it is to pump in a bathroom, and they need to do so. Not thinking outside your own life experience or sphere is a subtle form of sexism that can make life much harder for women (also, it’s illegal to only provide a bathroom to pump in…just FYI. ;) ) 

The second is more of a financial factor. I’m talking about the much-debated “gender pay gap”. 

Women make less money than men. This is a statistical fact, proven over and over again, that’s impossible to argue. But many of the gender pay skeptics point to the reasons the pay gap exists and state that they don’t actually reflect sexism, but instead, different choices made by women in their careers. These choices include things like women leaving the workforce to have kids, women choosing jobs that are less valuable, and women not negotiating for their salaries as often.

Do women leave the workforce to have children? Yes, and this is a choice that many families happily make. In fact, we made it in our own family. Yes, I work from home, and yes, I contribute quite a bit to our family income. But if I had stayed in marketing and climbed the good ole corporate ladder, I would almost certainly be making more than what I make now. Furthermore, our family was able to make that choice out of our own desires. Did we take a financial risk? Yes. But we had factors in place to lessen that risk (no student debt, living in a very affordable area, the knowledge that if we were ever about to be literally homeless our parents would take pity on us). Some women do not have that good fortune. Businesses that don’t offer a paid maternity leave are making a statement: that they aren’t committed to a culture of life. If you can’t afford paid maternity leave, you can’t afford to hire someone for that position. That’s like saying you can’t afford the salary.

Do women choose jobs that are less valuable? Yes. Again, this is a well documented fact. But an important question is, why is that? This is an incredibly difficult question to answer. There’s certainly some nature vs. nurture involved. Women have certain qualities that tend to lend themselves to careers like nursing and teaching, which are often undervalued, and this is demonstrable even in countries who focus heavily on gender equality. I would also be interested to learn if some gender stereotypes play into women’s choices from a young age—for instance, not really hearing about many female plumbers or welders may lead a woman to not consider those occupations even though they can make a very decent living.

Do women not negotiate their pay as toughly? Once again, the answer is yes.

Your pay depends on a multitude of factors:

·      Experience

·      Skillset

·      Social network 

·      Sacrifices (are you willing to relocate? Etc.)

·      Other benefits (are you willing to take less vacation? Etc.)

But it also depends on something often overlooked: whether or not you ask for more money. Much of this comes down to agreeableness, a trait often held by women. Before you freak out with a gender stereotype I’ve thrown in your face, let me explain juuuust a bit.

An example I frequently give is Serena Williams. Serena Williams is, without much of a question, the greatest female tennis player. She could beat 99% of men in a heartbeat. But put her up against an equally well-trained man, and chances are, she’s going to get beat (this actually happened—google Karsten Braasch. Serena herself says she can beat men who are outside of the top 350 players.) Now, Serena would kick my husband’s ass to two weeks from Tuesday. But given time, training, and a specific skillset, he would likely have the advantage. This isn’t something to be ashamed of or embarrassed about. Men and women have biologically different bodies. Our hormones, muscles, and bone structures are just different. It is what it is. Take it up with the Lord.

So, now you have an interior trait, like agreeableness. To be frank, I am not very agreeable. I’m, you know—crabby. I have no problem going after what I want. But I can easily see that I’m less agreeable than the average woman. Most women I know would probably fall into that more agreeable category. Sometimes, this is a great blessing. It’s what makes women terrific problem solvers and bridge builders, very important roles in our society. But sometimes, like when it comes to salary negotiation, it can be a woman’s detriment. Someone who is more agreeable is less likely to ask for things like raises and promotions. This holds up both statistically and, in my own experience, anecdotally. I’ve had many a conversation with a female friend where they say things like I’d be so embarrassed to charge for a newsletter or I would never negotiate my salary upon being hired. But these things are actually incredibly commonplace. The good news: this is something that can be fixed! Women who are on the more “agreeable” end of the personality spectrum can easily receive career training that allows them to negotiate more effectively. It’s not a death knell. It’s also not about becoming more like men. It’s simply about acknowledging your own value and knowing that fair pay is an aspect of justice. 

My point is, yes, there is a gender pay gap. And at the same time, it’s hard to measure how much of that is due to sexism, and some of it does come down to women’s individual choices. Certainly, some of the pay gap is due to sexism in the work place and some is due to women making different choices than their male counterparts. It’s nearly impossible to break it down into percentages. 

It’s not always easy to be a woman in the workplace. Especially in a culture that often either tells you that women don’t belong there (ugh) or women who choose not to be there are basically letting down all feminists everywhere (also, ugh.) But to go out and be who you were meant to be in the workplace will, as St. Catherine of Siena said, “set the world on fire”. To live out a life of Catholic values and true femininity—the kind that doesn’t involve pencil skirts but instead involves self-sacrifice, a generous heart, and a steadfast spirit of hard work—will make a difference in you, your company, and all of your coworkers. 

On My Nightstand 

Here are some things I’ve been reading lately that have made me think!

• “The Best Self-Defense Resources for Women”: Some important information for women to keep themselves safe from one of my favorite magazines.

• Alice I Have Been by Melanie Benjamin: I adored this fictionalized story of the “real” Alice in Wonderland. It sparks a lot of thoughts on the role of women, the pressure put on women to avoid scandal, and the line between friendships and more-than-friendships that can be incredibly dangerous. I had *no* idea the relationship between Lewis Carroll and Alice was so—um—creepy.

• “Speaking of Britney, What About All Those Other Women?”: I’m team #FreeBritney. No shame. My bestie thinks I’m nuts, so, feel free to disagree. 😂

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Who’ve I Been Listening To?

Here are some movers and shakers online that I enjoy pointing others towards. They are not always Catholic; but I find that learning from people who aren’t Catholic can be incredibly interesting at times as it helps to stretch and challenge my faith in a way that strengthens it. Disclaimer: I do not agree with every single word that comes out of their mouth. In fact, I may disagree with them strongly! Please don’t e-mail me saying so-and-so is pro-choice or so-and-so tweeted the F word in 2015. You have a brain and I fully trust you to use it in a discerning way. These are just some people that have made me think, lately! 

• Nikki Haley I loved this podcast episode on individualism.

• Nancy Ray This is one episode of her podcast I particularly enjoyed, but overall, I’ve been majorly cyber-fangirling over this Christian podcaster/writer/speaker.

• Ayishat Akanbi Ayishat constantly makes me think (and re-think) things on Twitter. I especially appreciate her disdain for “woke vs. anti-woke” discourse.