Missy, I’m so sorry for your experience! I am a gynecologist who was very well trained between 2000-2004 in hormonally suppressing the cycle or ablating the uterus. We thought this was such a step forward in gynecology to reduce the number of hysterectomies! And it worked for the most part for the women who could tolerate the treatments. That said, we have lost any knowledge we had about women’s bodies, physiology and restoring health rather than covering up symptoms. We no longer know how to restore fertility without pushing ovulation with a pill and when that doesn’t work subverting the whole system and referring to IVF. Thank the Lord for restorative reproductive medicine - Napro, then FEMM. All based on the medical science available to all physicians, but not applied to women’s concerns until these medical management frameworks. Thank God for the Catholic Church standing firm on the need to help couples work with their fertility to achieve or avoid pregnancy in practicing “responsible parenthood.” Without the research in natural family planning from the 1960s to now, we would not have the options for FABM or the understanding of women’s physiology at all anymore!
I came into the Church after residency, and it took me 13 years to learn how to practice without reliance on hormonal suppression. what a joy it is to be able to do this work with women. I am passionate about working with students and residents, advance practice providers to obtain this knowledge as well - slowly we can turn this tide around. 20% of women in their reproductive years in the US are not using contraception - I suspect the number is higher; who is caring for them? This is not a Catholic issue - this is a reproductive Justice issue.
Thank you for telling your story - I just wanted you to know you are not alone, and that there are some of us within ACOG itself that are doing our best to change things.
Thank you for this beautiful comment. I think this is a really important part of the conversation - providers who are making a difference and treating the whole person rather than suppression.
Thank you for sharing your story, Missy. There is so so much that is wrong with how the medical establishment treated you. One thing that stands out to me is the immense cultural cynicism regarding sexuality. The *assumption* of an STD, of infidelity (because that's obviously all we can expect from ourselves and from others, right?). And then, scoffing at a woman for desiring good and healthy intimacy with her husband (because why would anyone want or need that?). This all betrays a deep cynicism. Our culture has a warped understanding of the meaning of sex and fails to account for the dignity human person, and regrettably, this bleeds into our healthcare system and further propagates the harm.
Thank you, Claire, for this guest post. A lot to think about. I'm not sure where we can start to tackle such a mess, but pondering the issue is a good place to start.
I am a single, 40 year old woman who has never had a regular period in my life. I was afraid to go to a doctor, any doctor, due to past trauma and no self worth. I didn’t think I deserved any better than to have no energy and crippling bleeding every day of my life. I eventually had to get help. I was very sick and in need of iron infusions. I was immediately put on birth control and soon after began the mental health side effects. Eight years later I have converted to Catholicism, found my worth and identity in Christ through my conversion that led to lots of therapy. Now that I know I don’t deserve to suffer, I struggle to find any solutions to my problems that don’t involve birth control. I have PCOS, endometriosis, adenomyosis, and my right ovary is adhered to my uterus with scar tissue. I have been hurt by a healthcare system that neither provides health nor care. I am also hurt by Catholics who shame me for taking the only option I do have to not bleed and be in terrible pain daily.
What a terrible story. I have to say, I have found greater degrees of empathy from male physicians than female physicians. Male doctors bring their own set of problems, but in my experience female doctors can be incredibly judgmental and condescending. I don’t know why this is so, but over years of healthcare I can make this observation with unfortunate reliability.
The best doctors I’ve had have been young women or old men. My running theory is that older women had to constantly assert themselves and prove their competence to break into the field, and just kind of ran out of room for the humility necessary for being a good doctor.
You know, my husband and I were just saying today that I don't think a male doctor would have tried to joke with me about lying to my husband to delay sex. But I also would have struggled to feel comfortable with a male doctor through the number of exams and treatments I've had in the last couple of years. Honestly, it became another part of this situation where I never felt like there was an easy answer for women.
I agree. I'm more comfortable with a woman for the hands-on part, but I find the male doctors to be more empathetic. We're really caught between a rock and a hard place!
Ugh! I don’t want to like this because it makes my heart hurt. So awful and ridiculous. Ever since I learned that the word “hysteria” derived from the mistaken assumption that a woman’s uterus were wandering… ugh. It absolutely befuddles me the number of friends/women I’ve talked to who really have no idea how their bodies are supposed to work or how to get any meaningful data (and then there’s the fact that doctors don’t seem to care or want to know when they DO collect that data). So heartbreaking.
I have been disappointed with doctors before who do not want to look at my health holistically, rather they try to place a bandaid as quickly as possible. I was once offered birth control even though I had a perfectly healthy period and well, don't want and didn't ask for it. When a doctor can't figure something out they assume it's psychological or a call for attention.
Is anyone else surprised at how long it took to get hormone testing? I feel like we’re in a lab-focused, bio-chemistry focused culture, especially since Covid. My current docs are obsessed with labs. No more “go home and sleep it off with these over the counter meds”. My docs want to test everything and figure out exactly which virus is causing the symptoms. I’m surprised this testing culture hasn’t carried over to OB/GYN and problems related to reproductive systems. Missy thank you for sharing your story. It seems like we’re back to passing down tales of life around a campfire but I’ll take that over straight ignorance.
Neither insurance I've had during this time covers a significant part of the cost of hormone testing. And the really good hormone testing, forget about it, almost no standard insurance covers it. It does feel like a campfire!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Missy. It's a perfect example of the very common experience many women have when trying to access care in the modern women's health system. It's imperative that we stand up and create an alternative system that listens to and believes women. Everything concerning our fertility and birthing experiences should be treated as sacred.
I'm so sorry you went through this. I developed adenomyosis after my third child was born. My doctors were wonderful, Catholic men who treated everyone with respect. They diagnosed it right away. They felt that an endometrial ablation was the best course. Though we had hoped for one more child, they warned me that the symptoms would worsen, and the pain would begin. We knew that God had blessed us with three beautiful girls, so we made the decision to have the procedure. I do not regret my decision, and I have come to realize how truly blessed I was to have such good, attentive doctors, especially now that they are both retired. Now in post-menopause, I have other issues that are blown off by my current doctors. I tell my husband all the time, if I was a man, my healthcare would be much better. It's truly sad.
May God help you heal from your physical as well as mental pain. Sharing your story is a blessing to all.
I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Unfortunately, I hear these stories every day as a part of my work, and it's a major reason why we work to educate, empower, and advocate for women. You are a beautiful image bearer of God, Missy. You deserve to be valued, respected, and treated with dignity -- then, now, and always. I'm so glad that your community was such a support to you in that time, and thank you for continuing to be a support to others walking through their own journeys!
Missy, thank you for sharing our story. My gut reaction was rail against the doctors, especially since they were female, about why they’re not getting a better education or better compassionately treating women. Then I had to back myself up and I recalled a recent conversation with a priest around our dinner table- we can’t teach what we don’t learn ourselves. This goes for experts and professionals too. Our topic was on Friday abstinence from meat and it’s worldwide practice in the Catholic faith. My husband, myself, the priest, and another friend were all cradle Catholics and none of us knew of this call to abstain from meat(or if you’re in the US, it can be something else but it’s still supposed to be something). We felt frustrated that our priests and catechists didn’t tell us, when our priest friend commented that they probably hadn’t been taught either so we can entirely just outright blame and be mad at them. This story reminds me of that. It brings to mind the questions on who holds the responsibility of ensuring knowledge is had and where does that start? It’s so hard! Is it us women? Do we have to hold our doctors accountable and give them knowledge or charitable pushback? How do we get into medical schools to get these conversations going? And I know I’m blessed to have the time to think about these things too. Big thoughts.
I agree that the pushback piece is necessary. It was super uncomfortable telling doctors things like, "Actually, my goal is to retain healthy sexual functioning" or "I would never lie to my husband and delay sex because I'm here working on this health issue so that I can return to a normal sex life." But I did, and I left two practices that could only address my health with suppression methods. I hope by sharing my story other women will feel brave enough to do so, too. On the business side of medicine, the "supply" will change when women "demand" it.
Though, also, I don't think currently most GYN offices tell their patients that there are other options besides the pill, IUD, or ablation. The first office I went to doesn't test for hormone imbalances. How are women to know that they have other options if their medical professionals don't tell them?
It's such a hard situation. Like the Friday penance you give as an example - spreading knowledge is trickier in practice than it seems.
Too true. So much harder. Mad props to you on sticking up for yourself and persevering.
It was basically by a stroke of luck and “knowing” people that got me connected to NAPRO doc, who did not take insurance and is not my normal doc, to learn that hormone testing was a thing! Now I know that I need bioidentical progesterone supplements for a portion of my cycle and can communicate that to my PCP/GYN(one person for me) and by another stroke of luck, she has some knowledge of it, is trying to learn more, and believes me in the meantime so she prescribed it.
I think about my position in life and, similar to your story, my support system to allow for me to take all the extra steps. That’s just not possible for, I would think, the majority of women/families. It’s just so much extra hard work!
So grateful for your willingness to share your story! Seems like a great step in the spreading knowledge and getting conversations going on the subject!
This is all so deeply relatable! (Also as someone whose uterus came out last year due to adenomyosis.) I saw one Catholic female doctor who told me she didn’t know what was wrong, but I should just focus on “offering up the pain.” Which- I’m all for offering it up, but that is in fact not a substitute for a medical diagnosis. I am so grateful that I eventually found a provider who actually listened to my concerns, gave me the treatment options and trusted me to make the best decision. This seems to be rare these days especially in gynecological medicine.
That’s such inappropriate advice for a doctor to give. That might be prudent guidance from a spiritual director or something but that’s just not the place for spiritual advice! And even if we offer up earthly suffering, that doesn’t mean just accepting it and allowing it to continue!
So glad you also found a provider who offered treatment! Thank you for sharing. I spent a lot of time praying with the woman with the hemorrhage of blood after someone in my life told me my only option was "offering it up."
Missy I am so sorry for your experience in modern healthcare. There have been many advancements that have lead to a more beautiful life for people, but I always hear stories like this in the OBGYN sector that leads me to think we’re blinder than ever in womens health. I had developed very painful periods during my college years and the minute I walked into a new OBGYN they prescribed birth control, which I didn’t want to do but they said either that or a blood thinner (why would that even work??). I was completely disappointed and continued having the worst pains apart from labor pains in my life. My providers were women too, and when I told them I wasn’t sexually active they scoffed as well. I am so sorry for you and all the women who have to go through this.
Whew Missy, thank you for sharing! I’m so sorry you endured all the dismissiveness and shaming. It’s unbelievable to me that at this time in history there are so many doctors who are so woefully ignorant of the workings of a woman’s body. And no patient’s symptoms should ever be taken so lightly. At 29 I ended up in the ER with excruciating pain on my right side and all they did was give me pain pills (appendix was removed several years prior). I was never offered imaging. I didn’t know enough myself at the time to follow up or be my own advocate, but 2 1/2 years later I was a newlywed having surgery to remove what ended up being ovarian cancer in my right ovary and consequently had a hysterectomy. Fortunately I had wonderful physicians through all of that. I also have three sisters with various fertility issues, and they have all sought care with NaPro providers specifically because of their attention to fixing the problems rather than covering them up. Bottom line is that women deserve better than to be told “it’s nothing.” There’s too many stories out there of women suffering debilitating, life-altering symptoms that are not “nothing.”
In no way am I surprised her providers were female. With the exception of 3/4 of my Napro providers, the men are mostly dumb, and the women (including one Napro) are mostly mean. I once had an ER doc who saw me in the midst of days-long, I-can-barely-walk mittelschmerz that said “it’s probably just a stomach virus”. I had an endocrinologist who told me that taking magnesium to improve vitamin D absorption was not anything he’d ever heard of “and I did my residency at Mayo”. I had a female OB mock me for not wanting to be on BC, “because eventually you’re going to want to have sex, and then you’ll need it.”
My current Napro docs (one surgeon, one not) are amazing, open-minded, willing to follow rabbit trails with me, and people who, in a different life, I could genuinely be friends with. God bless them!
Thank you for sharing your story Missy! I've been in awe of the love and care you were still able to bring to the table amidst this really awful trial. Many hugs!
Missy, I’m so sorry for your experience! I am a gynecologist who was very well trained between 2000-2004 in hormonally suppressing the cycle or ablating the uterus. We thought this was such a step forward in gynecology to reduce the number of hysterectomies! And it worked for the most part for the women who could tolerate the treatments. That said, we have lost any knowledge we had about women’s bodies, physiology and restoring health rather than covering up symptoms. We no longer know how to restore fertility without pushing ovulation with a pill and when that doesn’t work subverting the whole system and referring to IVF. Thank the Lord for restorative reproductive medicine - Napro, then FEMM. All based on the medical science available to all physicians, but not applied to women’s concerns until these medical management frameworks. Thank God for the Catholic Church standing firm on the need to help couples work with their fertility to achieve or avoid pregnancy in practicing “responsible parenthood.” Without the research in natural family planning from the 1960s to now, we would not have the options for FABM or the understanding of women’s physiology at all anymore!
I came into the Church after residency, and it took me 13 years to learn how to practice without reliance on hormonal suppression. what a joy it is to be able to do this work with women. I am passionate about working with students and residents, advance practice providers to obtain this knowledge as well - slowly we can turn this tide around. 20% of women in their reproductive years in the US are not using contraception - I suspect the number is higher; who is caring for them? This is not a Catholic issue - this is a reproductive Justice issue.
Thank you for telling your story - I just wanted you to know you are not alone, and that there are some of us within ACOG itself that are doing our best to change things.
Thank you for this beautiful comment. I think this is a really important part of the conversation - providers who are making a difference and treating the whole person rather than suppression.
Thank you for sharing your story, Missy. There is so so much that is wrong with how the medical establishment treated you. One thing that stands out to me is the immense cultural cynicism regarding sexuality. The *assumption* of an STD, of infidelity (because that's obviously all we can expect from ourselves and from others, right?). And then, scoffing at a woman for desiring good and healthy intimacy with her husband (because why would anyone want or need that?). This all betrays a deep cynicism. Our culture has a warped understanding of the meaning of sex and fails to account for the dignity human person, and regrettably, this bleeds into our healthcare system and further propagates the harm.
Thank you, Claire, for this guest post. A lot to think about. I'm not sure where we can start to tackle such a mess, but pondering the issue is a good place to start.
Thank you, Michelle, for this thoughtful comment. It is cynicism that has trapped in these injustice systems.
I am a single, 40 year old woman who has never had a regular period in my life. I was afraid to go to a doctor, any doctor, due to past trauma and no self worth. I didn’t think I deserved any better than to have no energy and crippling bleeding every day of my life. I eventually had to get help. I was very sick and in need of iron infusions. I was immediately put on birth control and soon after began the mental health side effects. Eight years later I have converted to Catholicism, found my worth and identity in Christ through my conversion that led to lots of therapy. Now that I know I don’t deserve to suffer, I struggle to find any solutions to my problems that don’t involve birth control. I have PCOS, endometriosis, adenomyosis, and my right ovary is adhered to my uterus with scar tissue. I have been hurt by a healthcare system that neither provides health nor care. I am also hurt by Catholics who shame me for taking the only option I do have to not bleed and be in terrible pain daily.
What a terrible story. I have to say, I have found greater degrees of empathy from male physicians than female physicians. Male doctors bring their own set of problems, but in my experience female doctors can be incredibly judgmental and condescending. I don’t know why this is so, but over years of healthcare I can make this observation with unfortunate reliability.
The best doctors I’ve had have been young women or old men. My running theory is that older women had to constantly assert themselves and prove their competence to break into the field, and just kind of ran out of room for the humility necessary for being a good doctor.
You know, my husband and I were just saying today that I don't think a male doctor would have tried to joke with me about lying to my husband to delay sex. But I also would have struggled to feel comfortable with a male doctor through the number of exams and treatments I've had in the last couple of years. Honestly, it became another part of this situation where I never felt like there was an easy answer for women.
I agree. I'm more comfortable with a woman for the hands-on part, but I find the male doctors to be more empathetic. We're really caught between a rock and a hard place!
Ugh! I don’t want to like this because it makes my heart hurt. So awful and ridiculous. Ever since I learned that the word “hysteria” derived from the mistaken assumption that a woman’s uterus were wandering… ugh. It absolutely befuddles me the number of friends/women I’ve talked to who really have no idea how their bodies are supposed to work or how to get any meaningful data (and then there’s the fact that doctors don’t seem to care or want to know when they DO collect that data). So heartbreaking.
I have been disappointed with doctors before who do not want to look at my health holistically, rather they try to place a bandaid as quickly as possible. I was once offered birth control even though I had a perfectly healthy period and well, don't want and didn't ask for it. When a doctor can't figure something out they assume it's psychological or a call for attention.
Is anyone else surprised at how long it took to get hormone testing? I feel like we’re in a lab-focused, bio-chemistry focused culture, especially since Covid. My current docs are obsessed with labs. No more “go home and sleep it off with these over the counter meds”. My docs want to test everything and figure out exactly which virus is causing the symptoms. I’m surprised this testing culture hasn’t carried over to OB/GYN and problems related to reproductive systems. Missy thank you for sharing your story. It seems like we’re back to passing down tales of life around a campfire but I’ll take that over straight ignorance.
Neither insurance I've had during this time covers a significant part of the cost of hormone testing. And the really good hormone testing, forget about it, almost no standard insurance covers it. It does feel like a campfire!
Thank you so much for sharing your story Missy. It's a perfect example of the very common experience many women have when trying to access care in the modern women's health system. It's imperative that we stand up and create an alternative system that listens to and believes women. Everything concerning our fertility and birthing experiences should be treated as sacred.
Thank you for all the ways you're working towards envisioning a world where our fertility is valued, Leah!
I'm so sorry you went through this. I developed adenomyosis after my third child was born. My doctors were wonderful, Catholic men who treated everyone with respect. They diagnosed it right away. They felt that an endometrial ablation was the best course. Though we had hoped for one more child, they warned me that the symptoms would worsen, and the pain would begin. We knew that God had blessed us with three beautiful girls, so we made the decision to have the procedure. I do not regret my decision, and I have come to realize how truly blessed I was to have such good, attentive doctors, especially now that they are both retired. Now in post-menopause, I have other issues that are blown off by my current doctors. I tell my husband all the time, if I was a man, my healthcare would be much better. It's truly sad.
May God help you heal from your physical as well as mental pain. Sharing your story is a blessing to all.
Amy, if I've said it once in the last 3 years, I've said it a thousand times - if I was a man, I would never have these crappy choices!
I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Unfortunately, I hear these stories every day as a part of my work, and it's a major reason why we work to educate, empower, and advocate for women. You are a beautiful image bearer of God, Missy. You deserve to be valued, respected, and treated with dignity -- then, now, and always. I'm so glad that your community was such a support to you in that time, and thank you for continuing to be a support to others walking through their own journeys!
Missy, thank you for sharing our story. My gut reaction was rail against the doctors, especially since they were female, about why they’re not getting a better education or better compassionately treating women. Then I had to back myself up and I recalled a recent conversation with a priest around our dinner table- we can’t teach what we don’t learn ourselves. This goes for experts and professionals too. Our topic was on Friday abstinence from meat and it’s worldwide practice in the Catholic faith. My husband, myself, the priest, and another friend were all cradle Catholics and none of us knew of this call to abstain from meat(or if you’re in the US, it can be something else but it’s still supposed to be something). We felt frustrated that our priests and catechists didn’t tell us, when our priest friend commented that they probably hadn’t been taught either so we can entirely just outright blame and be mad at them. This story reminds me of that. It brings to mind the questions on who holds the responsibility of ensuring knowledge is had and where does that start? It’s so hard! Is it us women? Do we have to hold our doctors accountable and give them knowledge or charitable pushback? How do we get into medical schools to get these conversations going? And I know I’m blessed to have the time to think about these things too. Big thoughts.
Thanks for sharing.
I agree that the pushback piece is necessary. It was super uncomfortable telling doctors things like, "Actually, my goal is to retain healthy sexual functioning" or "I would never lie to my husband and delay sex because I'm here working on this health issue so that I can return to a normal sex life." But I did, and I left two practices that could only address my health with suppression methods. I hope by sharing my story other women will feel brave enough to do so, too. On the business side of medicine, the "supply" will change when women "demand" it.
Though, also, I don't think currently most GYN offices tell their patients that there are other options besides the pill, IUD, or ablation. The first office I went to doesn't test for hormone imbalances. How are women to know that they have other options if their medical professionals don't tell them?
It's such a hard situation. Like the Friday penance you give as an example - spreading knowledge is trickier in practice than it seems.
Too true. So much harder. Mad props to you on sticking up for yourself and persevering.
It was basically by a stroke of luck and “knowing” people that got me connected to NAPRO doc, who did not take insurance and is not my normal doc, to learn that hormone testing was a thing! Now I know that I need bioidentical progesterone supplements for a portion of my cycle and can communicate that to my PCP/GYN(one person for me) and by another stroke of luck, she has some knowledge of it, is trying to learn more, and believes me in the meantime so she prescribed it.
I think about my position in life and, similar to your story, my support system to allow for me to take all the extra steps. That’s just not possible for, I would think, the majority of women/families. It’s just so much extra hard work!
So grateful for your willingness to share your story! Seems like a great step in the spreading knowledge and getting conversations going on the subject!
Also, I am so sad and infuriated that this happened!
This is all so deeply relatable! (Also as someone whose uterus came out last year due to adenomyosis.) I saw one Catholic female doctor who told me she didn’t know what was wrong, but I should just focus on “offering up the pain.” Which- I’m all for offering it up, but that is in fact not a substitute for a medical diagnosis. I am so grateful that I eventually found a provider who actually listened to my concerns, gave me the treatment options and trusted me to make the best decision. This seems to be rare these days especially in gynecological medicine.
That’s such inappropriate advice for a doctor to give. That might be prudent guidance from a spiritual director or something but that’s just not the place for spiritual advice! And even if we offer up earthly suffering, that doesn’t mean just accepting it and allowing it to continue!
So glad you also found a provider who offered treatment! Thank you for sharing. I spent a lot of time praying with the woman with the hemorrhage of blood after someone in my life told me my only option was "offering it up."
Missy I am so sorry for your experience in modern healthcare. There have been many advancements that have lead to a more beautiful life for people, but I always hear stories like this in the OBGYN sector that leads me to think we’re blinder than ever in womens health. I had developed very painful periods during my college years and the minute I walked into a new OBGYN they prescribed birth control, which I didn’t want to do but they said either that or a blood thinner (why would that even work??). I was completely disappointed and continued having the worst pains apart from labor pains in my life. My providers were women too, and when I told them I wasn’t sexually active they scoffed as well. I am so sorry for you and all the women who have to go through this.
Whew Missy, thank you for sharing! I’m so sorry you endured all the dismissiveness and shaming. It’s unbelievable to me that at this time in history there are so many doctors who are so woefully ignorant of the workings of a woman’s body. And no patient’s symptoms should ever be taken so lightly. At 29 I ended up in the ER with excruciating pain on my right side and all they did was give me pain pills (appendix was removed several years prior). I was never offered imaging. I didn’t know enough myself at the time to follow up or be my own advocate, but 2 1/2 years later I was a newlywed having surgery to remove what ended up being ovarian cancer in my right ovary and consequently had a hysterectomy. Fortunately I had wonderful physicians through all of that. I also have three sisters with various fertility issues, and they have all sought care with NaPro providers specifically because of their attention to fixing the problems rather than covering them up. Bottom line is that women deserve better than to be told “it’s nothing.” There’s too many stories out there of women suffering debilitating, life-altering symptoms that are not “nothing.”
In no way am I surprised her providers were female. With the exception of 3/4 of my Napro providers, the men are mostly dumb, and the women (including one Napro) are mostly mean. I once had an ER doc who saw me in the midst of days-long, I-can-barely-walk mittelschmerz that said “it’s probably just a stomach virus”. I had an endocrinologist who told me that taking magnesium to improve vitamin D absorption was not anything he’d ever heard of “and I did my residency at Mayo”. I had a female OB mock me for not wanting to be on BC, “because eventually you’re going to want to have sex, and then you’ll need it.”
My current Napro docs (one surgeon, one not) are amazing, open-minded, willing to follow rabbit trails with me, and people who, in a different life, I could genuinely be friends with. God bless them!
Thank you for sharing your story Missy! I've been in awe of the love and care you were still able to bring to the table amidst this really awful trial. Many hugs!