I would love more of these conversations and more of them that take a deeper dive into the practicality of these types of human resource benefits. The US economy is largely driven by small business. Small businesses are responsible for a large portion of US gross domestic product. As an entrepreneur with a family business struggling to pay competitive wages in a niche trade, fringe benefits are exactly that: fringe. As a conservative myself, I watch the budget. Closely. I love (insert sarcasm) the federal income tax I pay on my health insurance each paycheck because I own my company when my employees receive the benefit 100% cost free AND tax free to them. This topic NEEDS to go deeper with REAL tactical ideas to push around. When each of my three boys were born, my husband went back to work within minutes after they were born because as an owner who was working IN our business, he had to troubleshoot technical issues and help our employees out on the jobs. Would I have loved his full attention? Sure! Would our family be better off now if my husband dedicated time off to our family? Absolutely! I feel so frustrated with these big picture topics because most of the discussions stop at the idea and don't go through to the invention or discernment steps especially for the small, mom and pop entrepreneurial Main Street dreamers out there. If there these kinds of discussions happening I'd appreciate some help locating them.
When we walked out of our tax meeting in April I just turned to Krzys and said "did I just become a Republican?" and he said "not a modern Republican...every politician loves taxes in 2024" 💀
Lol! Yeah. I'm a Republican in Philadelphia, PA which is VERY different from a Republican from North Dakota. Honestly, I don't check off all the requirements in most of the "boxes" for anything which allows me to frequently enjoy people's reactions when i share things about myself. I did lose A LOT of friends in 2016, though. Literally, most of my progressive, liberal, friends that I frequently connected with deleted me from their lives. Then, I found your podcast and Pilgrimages so, their loss. ❤️
PREACH -- I own my own law firm and have a family business with my husband. Neither of us do not have sick time or vacation time. That's a downside but entrepreneurship for us has had massive upside -- but it has risk. I talk with folks a lot about an employee versus an owner mindset. I have the upside because I have all of the risk.
I know a lot of small business owners. Most care deeply about their employees but their business will also be destroyed if they had to pay for extended family leave policies. I don't know what the answer is. I also don't think a lot of middle class and working class folks are ready to pay for the massive tax increases necessary to fund more social safety net programs.
Don't get me started on the privileging of big businesses over little businesses either -- I can provide an employee with tax free student loan relief but can't do the same for myself. The health insurance stuff also sends me from 0 to 60. It's a fun consequence of new regulations too. The reason big companies are so eager to help the federal government come up with new or improved regulatory schemes is because they often create such costs that it makes business impossible for smaller businesses and start ups.
My son-in-law took most of his 12-week paternity leave with their firstborn. It was a wonderful thing for him, my daughter, and the baby. My grandson wasn't an easy baby, and my son-in-law loves to go for (very!) long walks, so it was a match made in heaven as baby and dad went out with the stroller for long periods of time. Then later they benefited from Covid work-from-home; my son-in-law loved being able to take breaks and hang out with his son. He took all of his 12-week leave with the second child, which was great for everyone as you can imagine. One huge benefit was that big brother was able to get extra attention and time, which I believe really helped him feel nothing but positive about his baby sister. In my own case, if baby was born on a Tuesday or Wednesday, my husband was back to work the following Monday - with a full work schedule, no slack. I think we really missed out.
As a mama who had three c-sections, John's six weeks of fully-paid paternity leave each time were not only enjoyable, but necessary (especially for the first few weeks!). While he had no hesitation about taking the full leave, not all dads do in his office. I love that he's now taken it upon himself to vocally encourage other dads to take the full leave when it's their turn ❤️
One of my favorite things about your writing is that you always make important distinctions clear. Here, your emphasis on how both men and women need to bond with their children is illuminating, but I really appreciate that you show that a mother’s role is sacred and separate without diminishing the role of the father. This is the cultural conversation we need to have. Feminists and anti-feminists generally both get things wrong, as they either completely diminish the role of the father or insist that men and women’s roles are somehow the same.
Thank you so much. I try hard to do that because it’s what I believe to be true—our roles are different (in some ways), beautiful, and equal in dignity!
Something I've been mulling over in relation to your post and my own observations at work is whether attitudes towards paternity leave and the resistance to its adoption might be generational.
I'm lucky to work for an employer who gives 16 weeks off to both moms and dads. My male, millennial colleagues usually take most if not all of this leave. They've talked about how it benefits families whether their wives work or SAH - if their wife works, they usually tried to stack his leave after hers to bond and delay needing childcare; if their wife is a SAHM, he is able to bond with baby and help with baby and older kids while she recovers. This enthusiasm gives me a lot of hope.
However, in my previous job, I remember an older, female colleague lamenting how she didn't think men should take paternity leave because it "hurts their careers" and was super judgmental of men who took paternity leave. It was super disheartening, because I felt like these comments implied that family and career aren't compatible. The whole thing left me feeling icky and frustrated and like this colleague felt like our careers were less important than our male colleagues'. I feel like attitudes like this are part of why paternity leave is still relatively uncommon.
In late 2022, the US military upgraded paternity leave to 12 weeks (for birth or adoption) and 18 weeks for mothers who give birth (vs 12 for adoption). It’s challenging to work in units when people are gone for so long but it’s worth it to have more satisfied, committed teammates when they return.
Once I read somewhere that the pheromones a pregnant woman emits affect the men in her company (Usually the baby's Dad). Those pheromones make him want to be a Dad, so the bonding of fathers to their babies starts well before the baby is born. (Isn't God awesome?) It just goes to show that God knew what He was doing when He designed marriage to start well before the babies are born. Women who choose to be single parents and live apart from the Dad cheat their men out of those pheromones and enriching experiences.
I would love more of these conversations and more of them that take a deeper dive into the practicality of these types of human resource benefits. The US economy is largely driven by small business. Small businesses are responsible for a large portion of US gross domestic product. As an entrepreneur with a family business struggling to pay competitive wages in a niche trade, fringe benefits are exactly that: fringe. As a conservative myself, I watch the budget. Closely. I love (insert sarcasm) the federal income tax I pay on my health insurance each paycheck because I own my company when my employees receive the benefit 100% cost free AND tax free to them. This topic NEEDS to go deeper with REAL tactical ideas to push around. When each of my three boys were born, my husband went back to work within minutes after they were born because as an owner who was working IN our business, he had to troubleshoot technical issues and help our employees out on the jobs. Would I have loved his full attention? Sure! Would our family be better off now if my husband dedicated time off to our family? Absolutely! I feel so frustrated with these big picture topics because most of the discussions stop at the idea and don't go through to the invention or discernment steps especially for the small, mom and pop entrepreneurial Main Street dreamers out there. If there these kinds of discussions happening I'd appreciate some help locating them.
When we walked out of our tax meeting in April I just turned to Krzys and said "did I just become a Republican?" and he said "not a modern Republican...every politician loves taxes in 2024" 💀
Lol! Yeah. I'm a Republican in Philadelphia, PA which is VERY different from a Republican from North Dakota. Honestly, I don't check off all the requirements in most of the "boxes" for anything which allows me to frequently enjoy people's reactions when i share things about myself. I did lose A LOT of friends in 2016, though. Literally, most of my progressive, liberal, friends that I frequently connected with deleted me from their lives. Then, I found your podcast and Pilgrimages so, their loss. ❤️
PREACH -- I own my own law firm and have a family business with my husband. Neither of us do not have sick time or vacation time. That's a downside but entrepreneurship for us has had massive upside -- but it has risk. I talk with folks a lot about an employee versus an owner mindset. I have the upside because I have all of the risk.
I know a lot of small business owners. Most care deeply about their employees but their business will also be destroyed if they had to pay for extended family leave policies. I don't know what the answer is. I also don't think a lot of middle class and working class folks are ready to pay for the massive tax increases necessary to fund more social safety net programs.
Don't get me started on the privileging of big businesses over little businesses either -- I can provide an employee with tax free student loan relief but can't do the same for myself. The health insurance stuff also sends me from 0 to 60. It's a fun consequence of new regulations too. The reason big companies are so eager to help the federal government come up with new or improved regulatory schemes is because they often create such costs that it makes business impossible for smaller businesses and start ups.
My son-in-law took most of his 12-week paternity leave with their firstborn. It was a wonderful thing for him, my daughter, and the baby. My grandson wasn't an easy baby, and my son-in-law loves to go for (very!) long walks, so it was a match made in heaven as baby and dad went out with the stroller for long periods of time. Then later they benefited from Covid work-from-home; my son-in-law loved being able to take breaks and hang out with his son. He took all of his 12-week leave with the second child, which was great for everyone as you can imagine. One huge benefit was that big brother was able to get extra attention and time, which I believe really helped him feel nothing but positive about his baby sister. In my own case, if baby was born on a Tuesday or Wednesday, my husband was back to work the following Monday - with a full work schedule, no slack. I think we really missed out.
As a mama who had three c-sections, John's six weeks of fully-paid paternity leave each time were not only enjoyable, but necessary (especially for the first few weeks!). While he had no hesitation about taking the full leave, not all dads do in his office. I love that he's now taken it upon himself to vocally encourage other dads to take the full leave when it's their turn ❤️
One of my favorite things about your writing is that you always make important distinctions clear. Here, your emphasis on how both men and women need to bond with their children is illuminating, but I really appreciate that you show that a mother’s role is sacred and separate without diminishing the role of the father. This is the cultural conversation we need to have. Feminists and anti-feminists generally both get things wrong, as they either completely diminish the role of the father or insist that men and women’s roles are somehow the same.
Thank you so much. I try hard to do that because it’s what I believe to be true—our roles are different (in some ways), beautiful, and equal in dignity!
So true!
Something I've been mulling over in relation to your post and my own observations at work is whether attitudes towards paternity leave and the resistance to its adoption might be generational.
I'm lucky to work for an employer who gives 16 weeks off to both moms and dads. My male, millennial colleagues usually take most if not all of this leave. They've talked about how it benefits families whether their wives work or SAH - if their wife works, they usually tried to stack his leave after hers to bond and delay needing childcare; if their wife is a SAHM, he is able to bond with baby and help with baby and older kids while she recovers. This enthusiasm gives me a lot of hope.
However, in my previous job, I remember an older, female colleague lamenting how she didn't think men should take paternity leave because it "hurts their careers" and was super judgmental of men who took paternity leave. It was super disheartening, because I felt like these comments implied that family and career aren't compatible. The whole thing left me feeling icky and frustrated and like this colleague felt like our careers were less important than our male colleagues'. I feel like attitudes like this are part of why paternity leave is still relatively uncommon.
Absolutely generational in my experience!
In late 2022, the US military upgraded paternity leave to 12 weeks (for birth or adoption) and 18 weeks for mothers who give birth (vs 12 for adoption). It’s challenging to work in units when people are gone for so long but it’s worth it to have more satisfied, committed teammates when they return.
Once I read somewhere that the pheromones a pregnant woman emits affect the men in her company (Usually the baby's Dad). Those pheromones make him want to be a Dad, so the bonding of fathers to their babies starts well before the baby is born. (Isn't God awesome?) It just goes to show that God knew what He was doing when He designed marriage to start well before the babies are born. Women who choose to be single parents and live apart from the Dad cheat their men out of those pheromones and enriching experiences.